I’ve long put off writing my testimony – I didn’t quite know where to start….but the Holy Spirit has been prompting me to share my story (or part of it since the entire story is very lenghty). In this condesed version I will focus more toward the spiritual side of my story. I will add my full story elsewhere.
Part 1: Beginnings
Adopted into a Christian, Afrikaans family I was first babtized and grew up in the NG Church (Nederduitsch Hervormde Kerk van Afrika) which forms part of the three sister churches of South Africa. I was adopted 7 days after my birth by a childless couple, whom divorced almost 6 years later, I was their only child. An ever optimistic child, I’d always felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life and somehow knew that God’s grace surrounded me. In those years following my parents bitter and painful divorce we (mom & I) moved in with my grandparents and later into our own tiny apartment in Bourke Street ,Sunnyside, Pretoria Central. Behind our block of flats was the Sunnyside Police Station, where I would often lay in bed awake at night listening to the cries of the drunken criminals in the overnight holding cells. Right accross the road was the Bronberg Baptist Church, still there today. My grandparents motivated us to attend church regularly while we lived with them, and later in Sunnyside I’d often beg my mom, who suffered from depression at the time to attend church accross the road at Bronberg when the church bells would wake me on Sunday mornings.
As a pre-teen I became facinated with witchcraft and the occult and dabbled in that for some time. Later as a teenager I was recruited into the charismatic church by a lifelong friend, which is where I first encountered Jesus Christ and was later babtized again as an adult. (As a sidenote, I’d like to include that the charismatic movement has since changed a lot – I will discuss this elsewhere) I am condensing quite a lot here and trying to fit as many years into a paragraph as I can – but at some point during these years I really lost the plot and experienced some demonic encounters. I was really lost as a teenager; struggling to find peace with deep seeded issues related to my adoption, my parents divorce and growing up with a single parent that really tried her hardest but could not protect me from all worldy things (or as I would call it today: The Babylonian world) . Rejection plagued me all my life and having had no real structure or guidance I fell into the trap of searching for acceptance and belonging in alchohol, drugs and promiscuity.
Fast forward to my 19th year, living in the Western Cape – I was addicted to crystal meth (Methamphetamine known as Tik in SA) along with my addict boyfriend whom I at first tried to help get clean before succumbing to drugs myself. My rock bottom came, when I spent an entire day with a flashlight crawling on the floor, searching for a crystal to smoke while withdrawal set in. Our relationship was highly toxic and abusive to the point of physical violence. On one occasion, after again trying to get clean myself and trying to get my boyfriend off drugs too – I came home from work to find him and a notorious dealer on the living room floor high off their heads and smoking tik. I felt so lost and broken. Nobody knew that I was slowly sinking into a very dark hole of addiction toward the point where I would hear demonic voices in my head all the time. I walked around our neighbourhood and ended up at a church, where I sat in the garden and cried my heart out. Everything seemed hopeless. Once, I openly and proudly said out loud that I would never stop using tik unless I was either arrested, pregnant or dead.
God heard me. 2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant.
I moved back to Pretoria with him in tow, trying to excape the drugs and the addict friends that kept returning to our house all the time. As little regard as I had for my own life, God new that I would never knowingly endanger the life of an innocent child by continueing with my drug abuse. I quit cold turkey, the hardest thing I have ever had to do. However he (boyfriend) was not ready to put aside his addiction,and I moved out with my newborn baby later that same year upon realizing that he had relapsed for the upteenth time, and that I alone could not help him anymore…I had to think of my child.
Still desperate for stability and acceptance, I later married a man who turned out to be a kleptomaniac, as well as a compulsive liar that nearly completely ruined my (and my child’s) life and reputation. After less than a year of marraige we divorced and I met my current husband and the father of my other two children. He had also completely accepted my oldest daughter as his own and had been raising her since.
Part 2 – Atheisism
Throughout the years, I had often strayed and returned to my faith. When I finally searched for God again, I did so though watching televangelists and prosperity gospels on television. I thought I knew the Allmighty God of the Bible, after all, I had met Him as a child and had witnessed His works in my life. The gift of decernment had not yet been bestowed on my life and I felt that something was terribly wrong…that somehow I must’ve been doing something wrong as all the things they ( televangelists and properity preachers) promised would happen if I had faith, just never came. My husband had at the time struggled with his own faith and refused to attend church or read the Bible with me… I pleaded with God to change my husbands heart and to give me a revelation or some kind of answer or sign as to what I had to do. Silence ensued. Total and utter silence from God. I was in a spiritual desert.
Angry at God for His silence, I began doing extensive research on the historical Jesus. I was convinced that there was a very real possibility that God was not real at all and that I had spent so much of my life praying to someone that did not even exist in the first place. I read day and night, anything that I could find on the topics and then some. I dove into reading about anything spiritual; looking for some kind of truth about the nature of our existance. Without proper guidance, or any real reference – That road took a very dark turn, very quickly. With deceitful teachings (as is told in Zeitgeist, Darwinism etc) I first turned agnostic, and then into a full blown atheist / humanist and mocked those who believed in creation story, The Creator and His Son; Yahushua (then only known to me as Jesus Christ). Science became my go to for proof that God was just a fairytale. I believed wholeheartedly that men had created the story of God as it was in our human nature to want to believe in a higher power, and for a while I was happy. For a while, I was absolved of the notion of sin because I was “free”to do as I pleased – thinking that sin was a human construct, designed to keep people enslaved.
Part 3 – New Age
A few years down the line I was grappling with the fact that atheism was failing to acknowledge the concept of the human soul – which I always knew deep within myself existed and that my being was more than just flesh and bone. Wrestling with the understanding of conciousness and what exactly seperated humanity from the animal kingdom. What allowed us te be self-aware? More reading ensued. Without realising it at first, I was beginning to slowly adopt New Age concepts into my understanding of our reality. Chakras,Kundalini, Enlightenment, Yoga, Astrology, Meditation, Reincarnation…the list goes on. I read everything I could about mysticism all the way through to spiritguides etc. I explored the concept of extraterestrial beings and the ancient aliens concept. I wanted so badly to understand humanity and the meaning of life and I was dead set on finding the answers. The more I dug, the darker the rabbit hole got. I was struggling to put the pieces together, to know what what fiction and what was fact. Within that time I became aware of a “presence” around me, and felt somewhat as if it was affecting me emotionally and psycologically. I’d listen to hours upon hours of podcasts on all kinds of New Age beliefs and ancient practices, and for a while got really facinated by the Sumerian and Emerald tablets. One distinct memory was of a podcast I listened to of a popular Youtuber (I wont name names) that encouraged all his viewers/listeners to read out loud the Emerald tablets of Thoth that evoked “guardians” of some sort to enter into oneself for protection. It also involved a standing in some kind of circle. That day, with that podcast I felt a stirring in my soul. At this point its worth mentioning that throughout everything that I read and researched it was as if my mouth could not, and would not utter any of these mantras / spells out loud, almost like my mouth was locked and I could not speak it. Even throughout meditation and yoga I could not utter the mantras at all and so I never did. (Glory to God!)
Part 4 – Darkness
Going though the most profound personal problems I’ve ever had at that time, I was more complexed than ever before and determined to find the truth – Still digging deep, I came accross some DARK “conspiracy theory” materials related to elite pedophile rings and occult practices (including child sacrifice) amongst the rich, influencial and famous. These allegations were widespread, particularly througout the catholic church and many other schools and churches. Most of these cases came with actual evidence that suggested that this was true and that there indeed pockets of people throughout the world who took part in gruesome acts of satanic ritual sacrifices among other things. (more on this topic here) This, I believe was the missing link that catapulted me into the realization that evil, is very VERY real. I began questioning why such a large part of the polulation would take part in such practices (Satanism/ Paganism) if it wasn’t real and if they would get nothing in return for it. Why would anyone sacrifice babies, take part in canabalistic rituals, rape and torture of innocents for pure fun? No, there was more to this. In short, I then over the next few years discovered the plan of the New World Order to enslave humanity (Biblical) and establish a one world government, a one world currency and a one world religion in the form of New Age, which is a combination of bit and pieces of all religions accross the world. This too, is no longer a secret and is mentioned (aka globalism) openly and publically by powerful and influencial people. (Read here for proof)
God finally answered my prayers after years in the desert. My eyes sprung open and I could finally see the deception of EVERYTHING that I previously could not make sense of, and there was so much of it. I could finally see the TRUTH.
God allowed me to find darkness first, so I might understand the evil nature of the world in its entirety, so I might find the TRUE God and His only begotten son Yahushua, and not the false new age jesus that is coming to deceive the world – the one that those televangelists preached of. I asked God for full disclosure, and that is exactly what I got, allthough I must admit that It had not been particularly pleasant or easy to accept, in fact I wept for a long time at the realisation of the truth. Its not pretty in the slightest and very far removed from what I thought I knew about God, Christianity and life in general. The real Jesus, Yahushua, is NOT the ”teddybear” that loves and accepts all things as is portrayed in popular culture today, and once He reveals himself to you, you will know it too. I used to say (as an atheist) that I would never be able to return to religion having found out the things I found out as an atheist….but I had no idea how deceived I really was and how deep that deception goes. I’ve had to peel off countless layers of false beliefs – which YHWH in His faithfulness had given revelation for each one of them.
Today, as I stand still imperfect but saved by the ever faithful God of the Holy Bible and His Son Yahushua – for the first time in my life I can truly say that there is NO GOING BACK after having learnt what God has revealed to me. He has called me to be a servent in His kingdom, (I like to think of it as being knighted to fight alongside King Yahushua in the coming battle against evil – evil that allready rules over us) and for His glory, I have accepted the calling to help awaken God’s people to the truth.
Matthew 13: 10 Then the disciples came up and asked him, “Why are you speaking to them in parables? ” 11 He answered, “Because the secrets of the kingdom of heaven have been given for you to know, but it has not been given to them. 12 For whoever has, more will be given to him, and he will have more than enough; but whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken away from him. 13 That is why I speak to them in parables, because looking they do not see, and hearing they do not listen or understand.† 14 Isaiah’s prophecy is fulfilled in them, which says: You will listen and listen,but never understand; you will look and look, but never perceive. 15 For this people’s heart has grown callous; their ears are hard of hearing, and they have shut their eyes; otherwise they might see with their eyes, and hear with their ears, and understand with their hearts, and turn back —and I would heal them. 16 “Blessed are your eyes†because they do see, and your ears because they do hear. 17 For truly I tell you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see the things you see but didn’t see them, to hear the things you hear but didn’t hear them.
Dear God Allmighty, I thank You with all of my heart for saving me from the chains of the world under rule of the evil one, who comes to steal and deceive and murder in his own name. Thank you for allowing me to find the truth even if it broke Your heart to see me walk away from You. Please forgive me for being so blind, for every time I denied You, I am determined to spend the rest of my life rectifying my mistakes. Thank You for never forsaking me, for claiming me as Your child since birth when the devil would want me to believe that I was never wanted. Thank You for calling me to know the REAL You and for the joy and peace that Your Holy Spirit has filled me with. Help me to do Your will only, to speak and write only that which You ordain so that Your people may be saved from the wickedness of the world. To You the Glory, the Power and the Majesty, forever and ever more. Amen.
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